Monday, March 28, 2005

More Wholesome Goodness

Off World today officially welcomed both Taco Hell and Scrub-A-Bot to the family of local businesses. Taco Hell is a universally recognized name in cute commercials that are nowhere near truthful in the advertising of their products. When was the last time you got a taco with some meat on it? Us either. At any rate, they are here and selling their wares and… we welcome them.



The Scrub-A-Bot chain is relatively old, a descendant of the venerable “Scrub-A-Butt” Avatar Washes… but updated for Off World clientele. The automated robot cleaners feature a steam and buff for the automaton’s outer casing and an electronic memory wash, the latter of which is still experiencing some glitches as can be seen in the latest edition of OW News, here.



The Taco Hell and Scrub-A-Bot join Burger Thing in the gradual, creeping, oozing, gelatinous expansion of the Northeast quad…

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Fattening of the North

At last, the Northeast quad is again getting some attention. After being neglected as the Eastern and Southern extremities got all the new development, the Northern quarter has finally begun to tighten up. It began with a bitter dispute between OW Tram and the NG Tram competing for the remaining right-of-way north with the venerable OW Tram retaining its original mandate to connect the central with the North and South. “It may be the last leg the older OW Tram runs Northward but at least it was able to fulfill its charter” said Percy Clegg, one of OW Tram’s first engineers.

In other news, Burger Thing, a universally recognized name in fat distribution, today opened its first OW franchise on the corner of Toe Stub Road and East Sagan Avenue.





The franchise had been dealing with Foryoma property owners in the South but was never able to reach an agreement. The franchise though, was never in question according to Slurb Bulslurger. “We were determined to locate in OW but we weren’t going to make our employees sacrifice their children or family pets to do it”. No one is quite sure just what this guy meant… but the restaurant is now open anyway.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Quiet Day in Off World

Perhaps the calm before the storm or maybe just a brief lull in the daily routine, Off World today experienced a quiet day. To wit: There were no reported crimes in Paradise City, no spent rocket stages falling down upon populace, no new movies premiering and no known traffic accidents, cases of ingrown toenails, rampaging robots or improper behavior from bathroom plumbing. Off World Law Enforcement mechs were actually seen playing softball on an empty lot across from the All Faith Church.

Helmets and gas masks will be passed out to the public beginning tomorrow morning at dawn in all the usual locations.

Friday, March 18, 2005

On The Way: The Specter

It’s not here yet but it’s coming. The Centurion Specter is a top-end flying car that has no peers. Well, not yet, anyway. The Specter is still in development but the first prototypes are very impressive. Because of the design, we do expect that they will bank in turns and accept programming for most any environment that any other ground or air vehicle offers.



The Specter will initially be marketed directly to the public via ads like this one here.

But as the series gains acceptance and the line, recognition, it is almost inevitable that the maker, Centurion, will spot a dealership in Off World.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Ch Ch Ch Changes

Two events today, both expected and unexpected. The first was the announcement that the first leg of the Next Gen Tram is in the books. The NG Tram was expected to take to the rail before summer but because of uncertainties to future availability, the construction crews rushed this first example into production. The NG Tram, operating under the temporary authority of Metro Offworld Rapid Transit, runs North and South between Paradise City Parkway and the badlands along Spaceport Throughway. An opening ceremony is tentatively scheduled for this Monday morning.



The second event caught most by surprise as Dreamstar Astro Aviation took up operations from the new main terminal at Offworld Spaceport. Dreamstar is basically a shuttle service serving both of Offworld’s moons, Ramses and Mogul, and the OW Space Station, the latter a contract that Dreamstar acquired as a result of OW Transport being purchased by OWEX.



More information is shortly to follow as both Off World News and New Empire are planning video specials on these new services.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

The Off World News Story

“It was bound to happen sooner or later and I guess we’re lucky it waited until now.” Thus were the first words spoken from fledgling Off World News anchor, Clatter Hash when speaking of the upstart OWN. Hash, along with co-anchor, Priss Feumes will be reporting news and events for the greater Off World community as OWN begins operations from its headquarters in the long unused Two Towers Complex.



Clatter Hash, a modified Alpha Robotics WD-40, was programmed at the Mars University for Artificial Intelligence and graduated with 100 megs of RAM and as a Hit-the-Roads Scholar. Hash meandered between jobs as a toaster oven and automobile engine diagnostic tool before landing this position with OWN.

Priss Feumes, a Synorg 3.1, spent several years wandering the cooking TV circuit, which is where she first met Clatter. Together, the pair worked as cooking utensils until she moved on to a job as a telephone answering system at the now defunct Microsoft Corporation. While at Microsoft, she was commended for rerouting calls to useless extensions, speaking in a manner unintelligible to human ears and creating a 9.0 degree of utter futility for incoming callers.



Rusty Cann is an older Alpha Robotics PIG (prototype intelligence generation) who was fortunate enough to get an upgrade after working as a missile target for Raytheon. When Raytheon was acquired by New Empire, Rusty was headed for the recycle bin when one of the techs broke company policy and took him home to his children who in turn, installed several new components. Rusty escaped to freedom but is chronically troubled with Evil Dead and Road Rash flashbacks.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Mergers and OW Spaceport Expansion

Like a sleek raptor from above, OWEX yesterday swooped down and devoured OffWorld Transport. The merger makes OWEX the largest overall corporation in Off World and the sole parcel shipping and delivery agency. OW Transport, one of Off World’s original businesses, operated out of a large terminal on Icon Highway using smaller shuttle craft to connect to it’s shipping network from orbit but had seen its business share slip as OWEX gained a firm foothold with direct routes and faster service.

Less than an hour after the deal was finalized, demolition bots came in and razed both the old terminal and the now-empty old New Empire building directly across the street.





Immediately upon clearing the land of the old buildings, construction crews began on the new Off World Spaceport public terminal that will initially house AirOne at the Northern concourse. The larger Southern concourse does not yet have an occupant but the state-of-art-facility should have no problem finding a tenant.



Spaceport authorities are considering a larger, all-encompassing makeover for the mid town facility but the sheer scale of any such endeavor would require a great deal of time and funding so for the moment, the plan is simply one of many under study.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Raytheon purchased by New Empire

Raytheon an original member on Icon Highway was purchased yesterday by New Empire Industires. The buildings were demolished this morning to make way for a new project. New Empire also purchased the land Buzz Lightyear's new movie was being advertised and cleared that area as well. Buzz will be moved to a new spot in the near future.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Command Center in final stages of completion

The new command center that will route all communications, security, military action, and roadway construction is nearing completion. This center will provide faster communications in Off World as well as quick reactions by security and military personel.




Air Service Comes to OW

If you were looking in the sky today and saw that new bird, you weren’t alone. Air-1, a global-class passenger carrier, flew in today to begin service to and from OW Prime. Their ships are the graceful, if not romantic Convair A9W’s that span the planet to dozens of locations.





The first of the fleet is being moored temporarily on Church Road between Spaceport Throughway and West Terminal Road. Air-1 has not yet selected a site for it’s operations but hopes to locate somewhere in the area of the spaceport.